What they didn’t tell me at camping school!

Our good friends Andy & Sylvia tried to prepare us well for our adventure under canvas (or in our case, a very nice shade of blue nylon). We came with a variety of footwear from wellies to sandals, lots of thin layers to adjust to the rapidly changing climate, double pyjamas for the cold nights, plus GSOH. Their advice has proved very helpful, but they missed out some very important information.

1. When the blurb says “4-man tent” it really means four midgets who are really friendly and careful of personal hygeine. The tent just about accommodates a married couple, though the space available for the husband varies considerably according to the tasks the wife is trying to perform.

2. Husbands must be prepared to compensate wives for the inconvenience of being away from home. For example: in the absence of proper fixing points, husband must become a bracket for the mirror and HOLD IT STILL.

3. Airbeds are for sleeping on. Any other activity is hazardous. Sitting with your feet raised is a minor irritation compared to the number of times you fall on your face from a kneeling position whilst retrieving something from your case.

I could go on. But perhaps the most important thing to remember is: no matter what clothes you choose to wear in the morning, the British weather will make you change at least three times every day.

Steven Turner

PS: in case you’re reaching for the keyboard to offer marriage guidance, I should tell you that Elizabeth and I love each other. We have agreed not to laugh at each other, but we are permitted to enjoy each other!

(Edited slightly to correct errors of spelling and grammar)

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About prophetable

My wife Elizabeth and I were commissioned as Officers (ministers) in The Salvation Army in 1997, and have served in appointments in England and Scotland. Since July 2016 I have been working in The Salvation Army's Scotland Office as combined parliamentary and ecumenical representative.
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