(Journal 25/08/2007 08:05)
Reading Larry Crabb’s book “Inside Out” confirms my attempts at self-preservation. I seem to be getting even further away from the 1 Corinthians 13 ideal of love, yet it seems to draw me even more. I want other people to aspire to it, yet I’m afraid of living it out myself. Crabb puts the last verse in context: that we must live with faith in Christ, hope of Heaven and love of people, without demanding love in return. That’s hard, and I’m not sure I’m willing to try just now.
But then he says we must acknowledge our thirst for real relationship and come to Jesus,who is the only one who can satisfy that thirst.
In recent months I’ve sensed a withdrawal in myself from difficult aspects of ministry. Five soldiers buried in as many months has left a corps fearful and hopeless, and I can’t bear it. Before arriving here, our predecessor advised us they need to be loved. But what does that mean when everything is full of pain and loss. Renovation of our hall is progressing slowly but what’s the point if there’s no hope. On the other hand, if we can come through this with renewed faith in God and love for others, we can help countless people and have a real impact in the community. Does that require officers with wells of hope? Or just truly thirsty officers.
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